I was wondering when this would come up... I didn't want to force it. I knew it would come up on its' own. Lately I've been feeling a little extra melancholy, but last night before Shrinehouse rehearsal I got lucky and got our room to myself for a half an hour to drum to my headphones. What I chose to play along to is kind of special to me:
***I know this blog ranges from long rambling entries to one word posts; this one is going to get personal and TW will deal with grief.***
I started playing the drums when I was 13 just before the start of grade 8. My mom died that December.
My home and family that had previously been nearly picture perfect - if not a bit charmingly off kilter - was shattered. I would come home to a cold, quiet house. No one spoke to each other. I went to the basement. To the drums. For hours.
What does this have to do with Absolution?
I discovered Muse the next year in grade 9 - first year of high school as we all know. A friend put Showbiz on while we were driving around doing nothing (suburbia) and the moment Sunburns' piano lick started my brain was like "uuuuuhwwwwWWHAAAAAA?!?!" I bought all their albums shortly after that, and at that time Absolution was their newest release.
From the moment it started with Apocalypse Please, I remember thinking to myself "I didn't know that the drums were allowed to do stuff like this during the verse?!" I became obsessed. My after school routine of locking myself in the basement with the drums became locking myself in the basement with the drums and Absolution over and over. I devoured it. Apocalypse Please, check. Time Is Running Out, check. Hysteria, check. Then the beast...
The bane of my teenage years, but also a friend. A cathartic challenge to tackle while everything around me turned to rust. To beat the shit out of something and have it still be creation. To release all my hate, and anger, and frustration, rhythmically, beautifully, fiercely. For it to be a song that unlocked more advanced techniques, for it to become so deeply apart of my style as a professional drummer. I used to play this song over and over and over, smashing my bubble-gum pink Pearls' so fucking hard just to hear them over the music blasting out of my discman (y'heard)
I know this is getting sappy, but this is what music is. At least to me...
I'll leave you with what is to me personally the best song from the best set by the best band.
(Neurotic P.S.: I go back and forth between feeling like I talk about my mom too much and feeling like I'm going to explode because I don't talk about her enough. I am not trying to solicit sympathy from anyone, if anything the deciding factor in choosing to talk about this is that we generally don't talk about death and grief enough, and if I can maybe help normalize that dialogue, I think it is worth the risk.)